I believe we all have our own trail of PTS debris following us around with a gravitational force and at some point there will certainly be an impact. The more debris, the greater chance we will get hit. PTSD is like that. Those darts of past traumatic memory imprinted upon us as well as the fears of what may happen either to us or to a loved one. Add the physiological impact upon our biology in its various forms of manifesting. It can be mind blowing and disabling.
We are survivors. Is that how we got into this mess? We are empaths and doesn't that just suck? We feel to the point of not being able to separate our selves from what has happened to either us or those we encounter or hear about. In this day we are constantly being bombarded by an influx of information that is bound and determined to make us feel. So much so that it is killing us who feel too much.
Since the tragic occurrence in 2015 when a rather egotistical doctor stuck a needle into the interior of my cervical spinal cord I have been up front and center with the darts chasing me. Actually, my darts have turned into missiles and a few have made real impact.
Because of the nature of my injury a gateway opened up and every stress in my life has come flowing out through the channel of my autonomic nervous system dysfunction. Yes, it sucks to the degree that you can imagine and more. (Please don't ever let a doctor put a needle into your neck.)
Every day that I wake up I am grateful. Each day that I feel "normal" I am ecstatic! Each day that I don't have to take a pill or an elixir to keep me from going into autonomic shutdown I feel like the Great Spirit has smiled upon me and deemed me worthy to be happy. Still, I find myself afraid and battling with past trauma and worst case death scenarios in my mind...and yet, I keep going.
Something had to change.
Today I have decided to turn my PTSD into my PTSV..."V" is for victory don't you know? It sounds silly but if you are living it you know it is a matter of life and death. My Neurologists look at me like they can't believe I am alive and then offer me band aide remedies. Tranquilizers will not heal me. I know it takes years for the spinal cord to heal and I understand that part (think PTSV). At one point I had a nice doctor offer prayer. It got me thinking and set me on track to heal myself.
My daily remedy goes something like this:
This is how I do it. I sure do wish I could say it was easy but alas there are good days and some not so great. Ultimately we are teachers. We teach by our lives because there is always someone watching and they are either being shown what to do or what not to do. My hope is that I am teaching what to do.
Be well my friends. You are worth the effort just as I believe I am.
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